Ebby Magazine


 

THE FEEDING FRENZY



BY ENZA RAINERI
15 JANUARY 2020

An experiential approach to listening to your own wisdom through awareness and the integration of mind and body
 


FEELINGS COME AND GO LIKE
CLOUDS IN A WINDY SKY


 

When you least expect it, one morning, you wake up and realize how hungry your heart and soul are for something real to fill the emptiness. The depleted core that has been running on the reserve battery finally says, STOP! Where are we going? The back-up battery is heaving, as you keep pushing. How much farther are you going to get on those bald car wheels?

So much requires attention outside of yourself. All the people, obligations, jobs, children, relation­ships. The problem lies that we are giving beings as women, but at the end of the day when you are feeding all of these things and people, what is left for you? And does anyone you give to all day along, care about you not being fed? The old reliable you is getting ready to screech to a halt. You went from reserve battery power to one red bar. It’s about to run out.

Can there be two roads in life, one for the daily life issues, one for feeding the soul? Is this why the She Shed has become such a phenomenon? A way for women to hide for a few hours in a personal bunker filled with credit card purchases you swear to your husband he knows about? The place where you take the time to read, scream privately, or binge-watch NETFLIX? We give ourselves a few hours to say no, and then we get back on the treadmill of giving. We didn’t fill anything here. The battery was charged for a few hours to rev up for the giving machine again. The deep-seated needs of the heart and soul are still waiting for a long-term visit. How do you do it?

No low-cal, non-fat cappuccino, a sugar-free muffin made with Greek yogurt can do it. You can’t ingest something to fill that void. It is not a tangible thing you can hold, squeeze, or read. To fill up, you have to give up a lot of things...you have to start with letting go.

What are we letting go of? Well if you use the logic of Marie Kondo, if it doesn’t spark joy, toss it. Not so easy with certain things, but you can start. There are people, things, and situations you have to re-evaluate and ask, Does this spark joy in my life? If not, how do I create the joy or move on? At the very least with the people that cannot be avoided, keep them at arm’s length and protect yourself in their presence.

Cleaning house so we can feed our soul ­requires a detailed inventory on what we have been storing deep inside that does not serve us. In essence, you are shedding the skin of your entire body. Slipping into that new you, letting your feet sink into the warm sand on a sunny beach to exfoliate your mind, body, and soul. The great purge that leads to the new smoother you is underway.

The new you is no longer committed to the closet clutter in your brain, and realizing one thing for sure, you are your greatest soul mate. No one person can fill that role. Hollywood and self-help books have perpetuated the myth of the “soul” mate. No one knows you and your soul better than you.

I found the ability to start to let go and shed the old skin through hypnosis. The deep dive that can only take place in your mind’s eye that allows you to reveal, release, and realize that sweeping out all of what impairs you is possible. The anguish, pain, anger, all evicted, and no longer living rent-free in your brain. Under hypnosis, I visualized an older woman in a black dress with a white apron, sweeping. An incredible image for something that has held me, hostage, for so long. I was finally getting rid of the dirt under the carpet of my brain.

 
 
PHOTOGRAPH BY JACK ANTAL